You are going to need to run a rescue system to get this sorted, for example from an USB stick. Usually you can enter UEFI setup by just spamming the button on boot (F2, F12, F10, Del, look up what your system uses). If that doesn’t work you can either reset the BIOS settings, using the jumper or button (see manual again, removing the battery is internet lore and almost never required, just use the jumper). Another option is to remove your boot drive, that will prevent fastboot from working, so the next boot will be a regular one.

First thing you need to do is buy a bunch of thigh-high socks, then try those on and feel which one feels right for you. Then post your legs with those on and we will tell you in the comments which distro to run.

Spoiler: It’s Arch btw