My exit condition is when the stack overflows

Javascript should say “you are a masochist and a nerd”

I test my own code/scripts in dev when I’m working on it. QA usually tests acceptance criteria in test environment. And then staging is used for production data testing for performance and identifying missed edge cases. Actually, we sometimes use dev and test interchangeably when multiple people are working on the same repo, so the lines are a little blurrier than that.

Same. Early on as a new dev, I failed to performance check my script (as did my qa tester) before it was released to production, and that was my first roll back ever. It was very unoptimized and incredibly slow under one of our highest density data streams. Felt like an idiot that I was good with it’s 1-2 second execution time in the dev environment.

As a data engineer, testing with production loads is critical to performance checking, as well as finding edge cases where your assumptions about what can be expected in the data are curb stomped and send you back to the drawing board to cry and think about what you’ve done.

I took a principles of programming languages course a while back and got to touch on a lot of these old languages. My professor had huge hard-on for Lisp. Don’t get me wrong. The simplicity of the language is admirable. But reading and parsing that shit gave me headaches. No me gusta.

Serving multiple data streams

200: “I gotchu, bro. Here you go. Have a good day.”

401: “You’re not on the list. Get lost.”

402: “Pay me or get lost.”

403: “Everyone get lost.”

404: “You are lost.”

500: “Ooopsss.”

501: “Knew I forgot something…”

504: “I can’t do this shit all day.”

My Scrum Master is nice, but her role seems to mostly revolve around enforcing documentation standards, coordinating refinements and retrospectives, tracking metrics on task completion, and maintaining our Jira board. She doesn’t have a lot of involvement with the specifics of development, delegation, or how we execute our tasks.

If your leadership doesn’t review productivity, sure…

Me: “So, I completed this time critical task a week ago, had it QA tested, and it’s been awaiting approval since Tuesday. I’ve posted my PR with links in the dev chat, I’ve pinged each of you individually each day as well. It is still awaiting approval before I can merge and pick up a new card from our backlog that is dependent on these changes. If literally anyone has the bandwidth to do this review, please do. I’ll post the link here again as well, to make this super convenient for you all, as well as the Jira card for reference, and the changes and requirements themselves are extremely straight forward. It should only take 5-10 minutes, tops. And I will be sitting here useless until it is done. Somebody, please, for the love of god…”

My team: crickets

Scrum Master: “Thanks for the update, kryptonianCodeMonkey… next up is…”

You pleabs are still on C(++)^4? Real men code in C(++)^11. Some of those dimensions are so small they don’t have deterministic outcomes. You write a “Hello, World!” program and you accidentally hack Taco Bell’s payroll department. Shit’s crazy.