Thanks to all who commented. You all helped. The problem was not listed here, but you helped me to find it. The issue is this: https://superuser.com/questions/1561076/systemctl-user-failed-to-connect-to-bus-no-such-file-or-directory-debian-9

XDG_RUNTIME_DIR must be set.

Once I configured my user with that env to be the correct location things started to fall into place.

Goddammit Steve Jobs, you’re dead! Stop trying to impose your ideals on us from beyond the grave!